I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
