Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
