I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
