I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
