fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
