You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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