I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
