You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
