Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
