i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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