were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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