His pubic hair was longer than his dick
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
