My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i believe in u and ur pee
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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