my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
only if we run a train.
done.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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