I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
