I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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