Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
