in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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