It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
