Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
