wat bout pragnant strippers??
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
