I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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