Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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