He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
farters have to be the big spoon...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
