Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
