This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
