i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she woke up with a sticky ear
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
