that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
