he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
