All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
