On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
