I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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