I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
