I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
