i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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