What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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