a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
