I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
