Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!

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(248): View more from Michigan

New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.

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(661): View more from California

i wish semen tasted like chocolate

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Her vagina smelled like bad decisions

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(347): View more from New York

GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.

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(850): View more from Florida

Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.

(1-307): View more from Wyoming

no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.

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