Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
