i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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