Fuck appropriateness.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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