I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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