I accidentally burped into my bong.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
