we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
