I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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