he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
