This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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