just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
