If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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