Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
