I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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