naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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