Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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