You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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