I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
