My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Randomize
