pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
