We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
