No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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