I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
