Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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