just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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