Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
