you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
40s are totally the cure
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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