I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
