I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
