Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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