You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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