Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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