Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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